From crying on my own to smiling at clouds
What happened on my silent retreat
The first time I accidentally went on a semi-silent retreat, I spent the first hour sobbing alone in my room.
My mind my so busy it actually WAS torture to leave me alone with my thoughts with nothing to do.
Back then, I was so mentally busy that I couldn’t stand still and wait for the kettle to boil.
I’d turn it on, immediately start unloading the dishwasher, then realise I’d missed the kettle boiling and have to start again 🙃
Stillness = wasted time.
Stillness = laziness.
Stillness = guilt, worry about my to-do list, and having to think about all the things I was trying not to think about.
I thought busyness was just the way I was.
That it was good to distract myself and keep moving all the time.
And if you’d told me back then that one day I'd go on a fully silent retreat and spend 20 minutes… just sitting in a chair… in an empty room… drinking a cup of tea… doing nothing else…
AND I'D ENJOY IT,
I’d have laughed
Or maybe cried 😅
Because that older version of me?
She didn’t know peace like that was even an option for people like me.
Last weekend, I went on my second fully silent retreat
And yes, the day before I totally wobbled and my brain tried to tell me I hadn't changed, I couldn't do it and it was a bad idea (read about that here).
But I HAVE changed.
I got in the car after hitting send on that email, and I focused on the moment in front of me.
It didn't take long for me to feel calm. To enjoy singing along to Spotify as I slowly travelled up the M5.
And when I got there, I amazed myself at how much I enjoyed the stillness.
I walked around the retreat grounds slowly.
I lay on the grass and watched birds flit past.
I sat in a meditation room for over an hour and actually emptied my brain (ME! I DID THAT!).
And, as I said before, I actually enjoyed it. I walked around with a smile on my face.
And that is worth repeating, because it still blows my mind that I can do that.
You don’t have to want total silence
But if you’re quietly craving the ability to:
🥰 lie on the sofa and not feel guilty
🙏shut the laptop at 6pm and not mentally prep for tomorrow
😉 not constantly feel like you're running from a lion
You can learn that.
Not by pushing harder to finish your to-do list “so there's nothing left to worry about” (sorry to break that to you!).
But by slowly, gently, training your brain to do something different.
Since working with Lucy, I've changed things so deep rooted I thought I'd never be able to change. I actually enjoy life, I feel more content, I know how to process big emotions, and I understand why I spiral instead of just beating myself up for it.
Client Aug 2023
That’s what I help my clients do every day
And if you’re ready, I’d love to help you too.
📆 Coaching spots open Sept–Nov
💸 £200 off if you book before July ends
📱 You’ll get voice note support, accountability, and strategies that actually work for your life, from someone who actually gets it
Find out more here or reply if you want an informal chat about how your life could look after coaching.
https://themindfullivingacademy.substack.com/t/coaching
The lesson
If I can change, you can.
It’ll feel better than you’ve ever imagined.
And it doesn’t need to feel like torture in the process 😉
With love, Lucy x