Do you ever take a look at your life and pause to go “wow, I would NOT have coped with this a few years ago?!”
I had one of those moments on the weekend.
We had plans. Good ones, involving a babysitter, the pub and dinner out.
And then, 1.5 hours before we due to leave, my husband’s on-call pager went off.
When this happens, I have no idea how long he’ll be out for. And we don’t have time to create a plan B. He literally runs out the front door, so he can get to the station, get suited up and on the firetruck in less than 5 mins.
This day, he was supposed to be dropping me and my dad at the pub for a few drinks on our own before the babysitter arrived and my husband joined us. So how would that work now?!
Without mindfulness, I’d have spiralled.
“I KNEW we should have taken him off the rota sooner, who knows how long he’ll be out?!”
Instead, I was calm. Paused for a deep breath. And in that calmness, came up with a new plan.
Threw together dinner for the kids, something the babysitter could heat up easily. Called my dad, said there was a change of plan and we’d be going to a local family-friendly pub instead, with the girls.
I figured I could take them with me, then pop home to drop them off when the babysitter arrived and she could do dinner.
If my husband turned up at some point, great. If not, no harm done. I could still have some time at the pub, and didn’t need to lose several hours with my Dad.
Previously I’d have tried to plan for every possibility.
I’d have seen “not having a plan” as a failure to prepare and would have put more effort into planning for every possibility in the future EVEN if that was absolutely exhausting.
But even if we like to think we can, you can’t prepare for every eventuality.
My husband might have just been 5 mins late.
He might have been back in time to take the kids home and give them dinner.
He might not.
Hell the pager could have gone off 10 minute before we due to leave, just as his shift finished.
There were too many possibilities to plan and all we end up doing is taking our time and energy away from the moments in front of us.
In the end, my husband got back from on-call 5 minutes before I was due to meet my dad. And we carried on as if nothing had happened (plus him having a quick shower).
I’d have ruined that previously.
No “oh great that worked well, and I’ve made dinner for the kids so now you’ve got time for a shower AREN’T WE BOSSING LIFE?!” Just stress and worry about something that didn’t need to be stressed and worried about.
I can’t emphasise enough how I couldn’t have done that before. How the possibility of on call would have hung over me all day, every day. How a change in plan like that would have totally derailed things.
Now, I live a life where my husband is on call 84 hours a week ON TOP of his 9-5 (yes really - now you see why we has to be on call right up until we leave the house!).
And it doesn’t bother me. When he gets called out, I deal with it. In the moment. Mindfully.
That’s how much you can change.
It’s why I do what I do and I wish more people knew that
Lucy x