I leave for my silent retreat in 2 hours

And I really don't want to

Hello lovely people,

I’ll be honest, I don’t really know why I feel like sharing this today. But I’m conscious of painting a real picture of my life.

And often, the emails I send sound like:
“I used to feel like [insert: overthinking, overwhelm, constant mental load]...
Now I do mindfulness and TA-DAH: life is great.”

And that stuff is true.
But it doesn’t show the moments that are still hard.

Like right now.

I’ve just dropped the kids at nursery. My husband’s gone to work. And the next time I’ll speak to anyone will be tonight at 8pm, when I confirm what time I want my 30-minute supervision slot tomorrow.

Me.
The chatterbox.
The extrovert.
About to go 60 hours with only two short conversations booked in.

Maybe that’s why I’m writing this: so it feels like I’ve got someone to talk to before the silence starts 😂

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

I don’t want to go on this silent retreat.

I feel scared.

There are a lot of unhelpful voices in my head right now:

“This is NOT a good idea, you’re going to come home highly strung and stressed out.”
“This is your weekend off, why are you doing something you don’t even want to do?!”
“You don’t need to slow down. Stop putting these weird expectations on yourself.”

That last one’s sneaky, right?
It sounds like it’s being kind. But the tone is critical. Judgmental. And not even slightly helpful.

The thought of being alone with my brain for 60 hours sounds like torture.

But I’m still going.

Because I know the only way to stop having difficult feelings is to get better at being with them.

Yup. That’s the job.

And this is what keeps so many of us locked in to habits we know we want to change.
It’s not that we don’t care.
It’s that we can’t bear the discomfort of change.

---

We WANT to stop checking emails in the evening.
But not doing it feels SO uncomfortable, we end up thinking,
“I’ll just deal with them now so I can relax after…”
But “after” never comes.

We WANT to take an actual lunch break.
But eating away from our desk feels wrong.
So we stay sitting, fork in one hand, blood results to report in the other,
while telling ourselves we’ll do it differently tomorrow (we won’t).

We WANT to delegate.
But the moment a colleague does something differently,
we panic and take it back, telling ourselves it’s easier this way.
(It’s not.)

---

This is the real cost of avoiding discomfort.

We don't grow.
We stay stuck in habits we want to change.
And then beat ourselves up for not changing.

So yes, this silent retreat feels uncomfortable.

And yes, that’s okay.

Do I like feeling like this?
Nope. Eurgh, I really really don’t.

But do I believe this is what helps me become a better version of myself?
Absolutely.

---

Wish me luck lovely people

Lucy x

PS. If you’re reading this thinking: “OK, that makes sense, but HOW do I actually do that…? It sounds…. unpleasant”

Then maybe we should talk.

🧠 EFT helps you stay steady when the discomfort hits.
📱 WhatsApp coaching means I’m in your pocket when the thoughts spiral.
🥰 You don’t need to do it alone.

My next coaching window runs Sept–Nov.
💸 And it’s £200 off if you book before the end of July.

Get more details here

Oh and I promise you don’t need to sit in silence AT ALL when we work together. You don’t even have to meditate if that’s not for you 🙏