Two therapists* indicated I “might be a perfectionist”

I insisted I wasn't.

“I don’t need things to be PERFECT, I just have high standards”. 

Perfectionists want things to be absolutely a certain way, no inch of wriggle room. Right?

(no actually, but I’ll get to that).

I could let a few, small things go. So I couldn’t be a perfectionist.

Plus I wasn’t perfect enough 🤷‍♀️

And then, not that long ago, something clicked. 

I was being a perfectionist about being a perfectionist. 

I literally laughed out loud when I realised. A proper “HA” as I sat there seeing myself in a totally new light 😅

This is supposed to be a visual representation of me seeing myself in a new light. It’s surprisingly difficult to find a stock photo that could represent “perfectionism”. Photo by Andre Mouton on Unsplash

So what is perfectionism, if it’s not about needing things to be perfect?

Dr Thomas Curran, a leading professor in perfectionism, says it’s about striving for more because you don’t believe you’re good enough.

(paraphrased by me; he’s such a perfectionist himself, that he needs a whole book chapter on “what is perfectionism?” to explain it). 

So perfectionism isn’t just about needing things to be done at a high level, it’s about not being able to deal with discomfort if things aren’t perfect. 

This is where Dr Curran’s work gets really cool. He says:

“We can have high standards without being perfectionist”.

Say what?!

So high standards are driven by “it’s good to have high standards” rather than the perfectionist who thinks “I’m a terrible person if I don’t do xyz”.

I used to think “well if I was ok with things not being perfect, I’d let my standards drop”. And I didn’t want to do that.

I prided myself on being dependable. On creating client handouts that were beautiful and easy to understand.

I thought, “if I am a perfectionist, it’s only in a good way”.

So if you’re thinking “but if I believe I’m good enough, won’t I just stop working so much? Won’t my standards drop?”

NO, THAT’S WHAT’S REALLY COOL.

But in the name of keeping these brief, I’ll stop here for today and be back tomorrow with why letting go of perfectionism is such a good idea.

Want to learn how to have high standards AND believe you’re good enough?

I’m running a free workshop on releasing perfectionism on Oct 22nd.

Email me now to sign up as an early bird and be entered into a draw to win a free 30-minute coaching call with me.

Sending love,

Lucy x

PS. *Want to know why I went to therapy? A lot? I got published in a national newspaper talking about a phobia I had - read it here.