I know right?! I also find it empowering though - I feel like that's something I can learn to do! Traditional advice of "just drop your standards!" never really cut it for me 🤷♀️
I've always thought of perfectionism as a double-edged sword. On one hand, it drives us to excel, but on the other, it can be incredibly self-destructive. What if we reframed it as a 'misguided superpower'? It's like having a powerful tool that we're using incorrectly. Instead of trying to eliminate perfectionism, what if we learned to redirect that intense energy towards self-compassion and acceptance? Just a thought...
OOO Alex, this is the first time you've written something that I haven't immediately agreed with and I've had to take a few days to let this percolate!
I love the idea of a misguided superpower, and it's actually an analogy I use myself regarding clients overthinking things; Thor would crush his friends if he used his superpower strength when giving a hug, so he needs to be able to turn it on and off when needed.
But the bit I'm struggling with your comment, is the implication that any amount of perfectionism is ok. If perfectionism comes from us not believing we're good enough, and from pushing ourselves because we can't deal with the discomfort of less than perfect, I don't think that's ok. Especially when the science shows that people without perfectionism achieve more, when driven from a place of worthiness.
I've wondered if I'm being a perfectionist about your comment and my understanding of the definition, but I'd really appreciate your opinion on how you balance being ok with not believing you're enough on the basis it helps us achieve more.
So, for clarity - i'm definitely not saying any form of a limiting belief of "I'm not good enough," is a good thing. :)
I think in my comment I was focused on harnessing the energy that sits beneath perfectionism and redirecting it toward self-compassion and acceptance first. That was what I meant (and didn't accomplish) with this line: "Instead of trying to eliminate perfectionism, what if we learned to redirect that intense energy towards self-compassion and acceptance?"
I agree with you on the origins of perfectionism... but I also don't believe the "I am not enough" limiting belief is separate from the energy that fuels perfectionism. Anyways, I'm rambling and probably didn't clear anything up. But, I do agree with you wholeheartedly on the point that matters: "If perfectionism comes from us not believing we're good enough, and from pushing ourselves because we can't deal with the discomfort of less than perfect, I don't think that's ok."
Alex thank you so much for this thoughtful reply. Sounds like we're saying the same thing 🥰 And now I understand what you mean, I love the idea of redirecting the intense perfectionism energy into self-kindness. How much more powerful would that be?!
YES FRAN! This is exactly what I'm talking about tomorrow - the fact that perfectionists procrastinate through fear of failure, avoid tasks they don't think they can do well enough and overwork and get burnout as a result of not being able to stop when things are already good enough. Love that you've recognised this in yourself, definitely life-changing stuff 😊
Wow, the definition of perfectionism as 'not being able to deal with discomfort if things aren’t perfect' really hit home...
I know right?! I also find it empowering though - I feel like that's something I can learn to do! Traditional advice of "just drop your standards!" never really cut it for me 🤷♀️
I've always thought of perfectionism as a double-edged sword. On one hand, it drives us to excel, but on the other, it can be incredibly self-destructive. What if we reframed it as a 'misguided superpower'? It's like having a powerful tool that we're using incorrectly. Instead of trying to eliminate perfectionism, what if we learned to redirect that intense energy towards self-compassion and acceptance? Just a thought...
OOO Alex, this is the first time you've written something that I haven't immediately agreed with and I've had to take a few days to let this percolate!
I love the idea of a misguided superpower, and it's actually an analogy I use myself regarding clients overthinking things; Thor would crush his friends if he used his superpower strength when giving a hug, so he needs to be able to turn it on and off when needed.
But the bit I'm struggling with your comment, is the implication that any amount of perfectionism is ok. If perfectionism comes from us not believing we're good enough, and from pushing ourselves because we can't deal with the discomfort of less than perfect, I don't think that's ok. Especially when the science shows that people without perfectionism achieve more, when driven from a place of worthiness.
I've wondered if I'm being a perfectionist about your comment and my understanding of the definition, but I'd really appreciate your opinion on how you balance being ok with not believing you're enough on the basis it helps us achieve more.
Thanks for the stimulating comment! x
Thank you for the reply!
So, for clarity - i'm definitely not saying any form of a limiting belief of "I'm not good enough," is a good thing. :)
I think in my comment I was focused on harnessing the energy that sits beneath perfectionism and redirecting it toward self-compassion and acceptance first. That was what I meant (and didn't accomplish) with this line: "Instead of trying to eliminate perfectionism, what if we learned to redirect that intense energy towards self-compassion and acceptance?"
I agree with you on the origins of perfectionism... but I also don't believe the "I am not enough" limiting belief is separate from the energy that fuels perfectionism. Anyways, I'm rambling and probably didn't clear anything up. But, I do agree with you wholeheartedly on the point that matters: "If perfectionism comes from us not believing we're good enough, and from pushing ourselves because we can't deal with the discomfort of less than perfect, I don't think that's ok."
Alex thank you so much for this thoughtful reply. Sounds like we're saying the same thing 🥰 And now I understand what you mean, I love the idea of redirecting the intense perfectionism energy into self-kindness. How much more powerful would that be?!
YES FRAN! This is exactly what I'm talking about tomorrow - the fact that perfectionists procrastinate through fear of failure, avoid tasks they don't think they can do well enough and overwork and get burnout as a result of not being able to stop when things are already good enough. Love that you've recognised this in yourself, definitely life-changing stuff 😊