I felt like a failure
How mindfulness improves your confidence
Hi lovely people
Firstly WELCOME to all the new people that joined over the weekend 🥳
If you joined for the SOAR podcast, you can catch the replays here
I started coaching because when I left veterinary practice in 2017, I felt like a failure.
And I didn’t want anyone else, with the skill set and potential I had, to feel like that.
I'd heard that you were counted as a "young vet" until you were 8 years qualified and I thought “I can't feel like this every day for another 6 years".
Because every day I felt inadequate.
I felt stupid.
I felt this constant worry that a case would come in that I couldn't handle and a patient would die and it would be all my fault.
So I constantly checked my diagnoses and treatment plan with colleagues. Sometimes more than one colleague.
It seemed like a good way to prevent something dying due to my incompetence but it gradually ate away at my confidence.
See I was waiting for external proof that I was good at my job, before I could trust myself. I wanted to know FOR SURE that I was right before sending a dog home with some medication, or that I could do a surgery totally on my own before booking it in.
I didn't realise that I was wearing a massive pair of "I'm not good enough" glasses.
These glasses affected everything.
And just like a pair of red-tinted glasses would make the whole world red, these “I’m not good enough” glasses, mean you constantly see proof of not being good enough.
So even when I did do something well (because in hindsight, I can see that I was a good vet, even if I thought I wasn't at the time), I couldn't see it.
I thought “ah that was easy, anyone could have done that”.
It meant that when a colleague kindly said "Lucy I think you can do this on your own, but call me if you need me" I would feel myself tighten.
I'd panic a little.
I'd say to myself "you can do this, you can do this, you can do this" as if that would help.
I'd find it hard to concentrate.
And then I'd end up calling for the help they'd offered, while feeling like more of a failure than I did before 😢
My confidence got LOWER over time.
I recognised that even at 8 years qualified, I wouldn't feel like I knew enough.
Because I knew that that unless I knew EVERYTHING, I'd worry.
I wish I knew then what I know now.
That it's possible to trust yourself WITHOUT waiting for proof that you can do everything.
It's about taking off the glasses that bias EVERYTHING.
(BTW if you’re not following along with this analogy, listen to episode 4 of SOAR here).
Without the "I'm not good enough" glasses, I would have done a surgery, recognised that it was difficult, asked for help and felt excited about learning something new.
Then ironically my confidence would have actually increased over time as I learnt more too.
As it was, I was too busy chastising myself for being stupid to learn much.
Helping clients take off their "I'm not good enough" glasses has got to be one of the best bits of being a coach.
And you’re probably wearing a pair, if you REGULARLY;
Work through your lunch break because you don’t want to let people down
Ask colleagues to confirm you did the right thing (especially if you already know you did)
Find thoughts about work creeping into your evenings and weekends.
For me, this is where mindfulness gets REALLY exciting.
Because if you can identify exactly what “I’m not good enough” glasses you're wearing (there's not just one pair of "I'm not good enough" glasses - think of it like different brands that come out on different days), the implications are MASSIVE.
It means you'll actually see how good you are (when you're actually good) AND ask for help when you need it, while still learning from it.
And that means you can enjoy your job.
It means you can go to bed at night and feel proud of yourself.
It means you can get up in the morning and feel excited about learning something new.
It means you can take that lunch break without feeling guilty, leave work on time and forget about work when you get home - all the things we’ve been talking about in SOAR.
Because if, like Old Me, you're working in a job you've aimed towards your whole life, the least you owe yourself is to feel good now you've made it there.
If you want support in making this a way of life, I’d love to work with you.
This is the bit where I tell you about my services as a coach, so if that doesn’t interest you, feel free to tune out now.
This *gestures upward at the content of today’s newsletter* is the bulk of the work I do with my one-to-one clients.
Yes we do the day-to-day strategies that get you focusing on the present moment, slowing down, and enjoying more of life.
But if that’s all you do in your mindfulness practice, you’ve got to keep doing it to keep it working.
It’s like pulling up weeds in the garden, one by one.
It’ll make a difference for sure, but you’ve got to pull up a lot of weeds. And some will grow back.
Working on the factors underneath all of it, like the “I’m not good enough glasses” is like blow-torching the whole garden. Now you don’t need to pull up the weeds*.
*Regularly anyway. They will eventually grow back if you don’t cultivate new seeds that stop the weeds coming back.
When we work together one-to-one, every scenario you find challenging we look at what glasses you’re wearing, how they’re affecting you, and how to take them off.
And it’s that, that creates client testimonials like this
Since working with Lucy, I’m able to slow down, relax and enjoy much more of life knowing that everything will come together and be ok. I am not a walking “to do list” anymore, I don’t have that constant panicking feeling of “what have I forgotten?”.
I’m much happier, I have more energy and I feel more able to cope with change and challenges, two words I’d have run a mile from previously!
I wish I’d signed up sooner and not thought about it for so long! It’s been completely life changing.
I was feeling anxiety on a daily basis and felt inadequate at work. Lucy taught me to calm these feelings and live in the moment. It's been a couple of months since finishing coaching and I feel like the best version of myself - [my new job] is tiring but I’m fulfilled and I’m genuinely happy with life.
Messaging Lucy was the best decision I could have made.
I’m offering £500 off my one-to-one coaching package if you book a free call to discuss before the end of August.
And if on the call, I think the coaching can help you change your life, I’ll offer a money-back guarantee.
I know that one-to-one coaching isn’t for everyone.
Which is why I am BEYOND excited to announce that from 1st August, I’ll be running a monthly mindful membership 🤩
This is for the people that know something needs to change, and want support in making it happen BUT don’t want to, or can’t, commit to the one-to-one coaching.
Each month we’ll pick a theme, like how to enjoy work even when it’s stressful, or making decisions quickly and easily when you feel overwhelmed.
All things I cover in my one-to-one coaching.
But done at a slower pace, without the high-level personalised support at the “deep” level.
Full disclaimer, this is totally new, so we’ll be working out some of the details as we go along.
But, I envision
Monthly accountability - what do you want to change this month and how will you make it happen?
4-5 podcast episodes a month, just like the SOAR podcast last week.
Opportunities to ask questions on the bits you struggle with.
It’s going to be a no-brainer price of £7.50 for the next 3 months, after which, I’ll reassess.
I might continue, and raise my prices.
I might stop.
So if you like the look of this, and want to take advantage in the early stages, when numbers are likely to be low and you can get more support, become a paid subscriber via the link below.
That’s it today folks.
I hope hearing more about my story inspires you to make the changes in YOUR life.
Even with these skills, I know I wouldn’t have wanted to stay as a vet, but at least I’d have left happy (or happier) and with my head held high.
Any questions, let me know.
Sending lots of love,
Lucy x